It’s a lot.

Featured writing by M.K.

It’s a lot!

Motty, always with a good prompt..

It’s a lot, it definitely feels like a lot, the mind just goes on and on, it doesn't stop... When we do take the min and we have a little clarity, it’s not THAT much. It reminds me of what I read yesterday from Rabbi Nachman that we gotta lead life with simplicity, not everything in life is as complicated as we might think.

Speaking about me, it does feel that a lot is going on. I feel like I can’t handle it myself, I’m so confused and overwhelmed, life is not that simple. I’m disconnected from my North star. I lost my intuition. It’s buried somewhere deep, or as others will say, it’s not buried that I need to look for it, it’s more that there are so many layers above it, I just need to peel them away. Deep in me, I know exactly what to do, where to be, if I should reach out to that girl or not. I just can’t seem to tap into it.

I guess I need to go back to the Alef Beis, start over, reconnect with myself and accept myself, of course :) The only question is how?! Maybe through Ayahuasca (pun intended). But in all seriousness, this time of year, the Yamim Tovim is so beautiful, it’s such an amazing opportunity to reconnect, a whole month! God damn! And I’m just lost here going around with anxiety, missing out on that opportunity, it’s sad and painful.

I’m thinking what I can do differently this year, that this year should be the best year, my best Yom Tov! To reconnect with my inner self - be truly myself. I guess I'll start with accepting myself, that’s what I can do now, besides, I’m not sure what else I can do anyway..

Friday morning edit: Maybe I shouldn't be looking for the best Yom Tov, just a real and true to myself Yom Tov, more genuine and authentic..

One more breath.. Ahhh

Wow this breath..

Reminded me how much I accomplished this year and how much I grew...

By M.K.

Shared with permission. Written in “Writers Within” checkin group.