Light…

The most interesting thing I’m learning, and for years now, is how if I want to focus on light I somehow think of dark.
It’s the part in the brain that’s designed to always look out for danger.
So if I want light, dark becomes dangerous.
Which is what my brain will think of.

So perhaps rather than keep reinforcing: light good and dark bad - Leaning into dark good and also light good.
It’s when healing sticks.
When the dark is illuminated.

It’s a tough thing to live by. I think.

For me there’s also the ridiculous-ness in this value system because bad is really bad.
There’s real pain, loss, chaos- who am I to say that all that pain is good.
It’s harsh and rude.
There’s a place for bad to be bad and nothing else.
To keep the morals straight and not blur the lines of write and wrong in the name of healing.

And with that, in another realm perhaps,
there’s a place where I can look back and see the many things I was sure was bad, how it carved and imprinted my growth.
There’s just that too.

I choose to find light.
After my tantrum.
After my go around.
After spinning.
After wanting to change it all to comfort.
The dust settles and what is and what isn’t becomes evident.
And again, I choose light.

It’s always been my desire.
As if I was chosen to see things this way.
And there’s spinning in the process.
And light is where it all settles to become.

Light - understanding
Light - humor
Light - Prayer
Light - comments, even if I failed at them 100 times before
Light has different shades. It shines in different ways. At different times.
Light- to take myself lightly.
Light- god

All this religion thing was set as a way to spread light. That simple. Just light.

Light - love and connection
Light - forgiveness
Light - another word written on a paper
Light- another candle

It’s also a focus thing.
Where I look…
What I look at…
To compare less…
And just shine what I got.

Looking in to the Chanukkah candles, there’s beauty in the flickering of the candle and the rays of color around it.
I want to focus on that a bit more, maybe today at lighting.

The rays of color around the light, the air and everything else there that supports the light.

Here’s to your light.
Your words written
Your journey which is here to shine.
Just another flicker filled with light and love.

~Motty K

Written in a writers group process.
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